I'm pants shitting drunk right now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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