his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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