Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
