my vag is so smooth its legendary
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
