You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
