ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize