my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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