Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
