He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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