I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
