I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
