I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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