I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
