I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
