i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
