You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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