No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
