Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
