I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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