People with herpes should wear stickers.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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