She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
