woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Someone shattered a urinal.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
