i will never coherently bang her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
