I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize