do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
