TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
