i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
