now i know why i became what i already was.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
