Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
