Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
