small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize