Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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