I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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