Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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