Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
