Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
