Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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