Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize