Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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