I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
