Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
