We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
