I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
