I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
