Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
