He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
