The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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