the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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