If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
