In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's Friday. Sex?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
