So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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