New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
