I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
