ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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