My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
