When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
