I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
