would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
