There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
