this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
