wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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