that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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