I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
