from now on my penis is your penis
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
