Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
