the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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