last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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