He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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