I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
