Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
