Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
