Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I want is dick and wine.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
