Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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