If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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