I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
