How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
