His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
