He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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