They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
