Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
