worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
