You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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