sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
