You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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