I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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