Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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