his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize