If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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