A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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