I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
